You decided to try a new dating app to see how it looks. Your friends have told you about it constantly, and you’ve been hesitating. Suddenly, you get a pop-up. You’ve been matched! He texts, “Hi, I’m Davis.” You freeze and don’t know what to say or how to move forward from there. Sending that initial ping can feel overwhelming, but the best first message ideas are actually those that feel simple and natural.
The secret to online dating first message examples that actually work is knowing how to be friendly and genuine. You have to show that you are a real person who is actually interested in who they are. It’s common to feel anxious, but if you have a few useful dating app openers in your pocket, you can transition from overanalyzing to confidently texting and potentially build a valuable relationship.
Image: Istockphotos
We’ve all gotten the usual “Hey” or “Hi” that eventually doesn’t lead anywhere. So we’re not doing that anymore. The first message will set the tone for the rest of the interaction and can even play a huge role in whether it can lead to something meaningful.
Your first message shows who you are. If you ask a witty question, you are funny. If you ask about their charity work, you are empathetic. You are essentially choosing how your future dates will look from the very first tap.
In a swipe-heavy culture, attention is the most valuable currency. By sending a message that references a specific photo or a prompt answer, you’re showing that you aren’t just texting every match. This builds immediate trust.
The major reason people don’t reply to messages on dating apps isn’t a lack of interest; it’s decision fatigue. When you ask a specific, easy-to-answer question, you’re making it easy for them.
Image: Istockphotos
Finding good first messages for dating doesn’t have to be a chore. Here is an expanded list of twenty message examples:
These are the low-stakes texts. They work because they don’t demand a deep emotional investment right away, but they do demand a response.
Use these when a profile gives you plenty of hooks to grab onto. These are the gold standard for first message ideas.
If what you like is dry wit or sarcastic charm, these dating app messages that get replies will help you find someone who speaks your language.
Sometimes, the best way to stand out is to be refreshingly sincere.
They are perfect for testing if someone has a playful side to them.
See Also: The New Dating Dictionary
So, you’ve used one of our online dating first message examples and you got a reply, that’s awesome! But the first message is just the beginning. You need to keep the fire going.
If they answer your question, don’t just move on to a new topic. Dig deeper. If they say they want to teleport to Tokyo, ask, “Are we talking Shibuya Crossing neon vibes or quiet temples in Kyoto?” This shows you’re listening.
Try to keep the text volume balanced. If they only send two sentences, do not respond with a five-paragraph essay. This maintains a sense of mystery and prevents you from appearing too eager.
The goal of texting someone new on dating apps is eventually to get off the app. Once you’ve had 3-4 good days of conversation, look for a natural transition.
“I’ve really enjoyed this ‘Two Truths and a Lie’ session, but I have a feeling these stories are even better over a drink. Would you be up for meeting later this week?”
If you want to move beyond templates and learn how to start conversations on dating apps organically, remember these three pillars:
Even with the best first message ideas, certain red flags can kill a conversation before it starts:
Read Also: Is My Relationship Toxic?
How do you know if you’re becoming an expert at how to start conversation on dating apps?
Ultimately, first message ideas are for opening the door to getting to know someone deeply. The goal is to show a glimpse of your personality and see if it resonates with theirs.
Remember: if someone doesn’t reply, don’t take it personally. It’s not a reflection on your worth. They’re probably just not for you. By using these effective dating app openers, you are filtering for the people who appreciate your wit, curiosity, and effort. Stay authentic, stay playful, and keep swiping with purpose.
A good first message is personalized and easy to answer. Use the “Observation + Question” formula: “I saw [Detail in Profile]; that’s so cool! [Follow-up Question]?”
Avoid “Hey” at all costs. Instead, use something from their photos or bio. Asking for an opinion or a recommendation is one of the most effective ways to get a response.
A mix of both is best, but leaning toward playful usually works better for initial ice-breaking. Save the deeper, more serious conversations for the second or third day of chatting.
Ideally, 1-2 sentences. You want to be engaging without being overwhelming. Think of it as a teaser for the conversation to come.
Yes! A message with a question is 50% more likely to get a reply than a statement. It gives the recipient a job to do, which makes replying much easier.
Don’t double-text immediately. Give it 48 hours. If you still hear nothing, move on to the next match. There are plenty of people who will be excited to hear from you!