It’s not always easy to know when to leave a relationship or stay. Leaving a long-term relationship is hard because of the history, attachment, shared experiences, dreams, and routines.
You might still love your partner and deeply care about them, yet you feel emotionally worn out, uncertain, and quietly unhappy. A relationship limbo is one of the most emotionally draining places to be.
This article will help you understand whether or not you should stay in a relationship. It is not a substitute for professional couples therapy, mental health care, crisis intervention, or domestic violence services. If you are in immediate danger, experiencing emotional or physical abuse, or feeling unsafe, please seek professional support!
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The decision to walk away from a relationship is one of the hardest you’ll ever face. You might still care so deeply about your partner, you still laugh together, and you still function in the relationship, but you wake up wondering if this is right.
From the outside, everything seems fine. But inside, you feel disconnected, lonely, or emotionally exhausted. You feel stuck in the relationship. Sometimes your mind tells you, “You should be grateful”, “Other people have it worse,”, “Maybe your expectations are unrealistic, “What if you leave and regret it?”
This is what a relationship limbo feels like. It is a state of confusion and emotional exhaustion. This can go on for months or even years. And this doesn’t mean you’re weak; it only shows that you’re emotionally invested.
However, it’s important you know the differences between fixable problems and fundamental problems. Understanding this difference is essential when deciding when to work on a relationship versus when to leave a relationship.
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Not every unhappy phase means your relationship is over. Most long-term relationships go through seasons of stress, boredom, miscommunication, and emotional distance. Some relationships struggle and still move forward. Others struggle and get stuck. The difference isn’t the presence of conflict; rather, it’s how that conflict is handled. Here are some signs that a relationship has repair capacity:
Change does not mean instant transformation, nor does it mean agreeing on everything. It involves both people seeing themselves as part of the problem and part of the solution. It’s not one person carrying all the emotional burden while the other stays rigid. It’s a shared responsibility.
Willingness shows up as curiosity instead of constant defensiveness. And willingness to change is not a promise or a hope of change, but a real, observable commitment to change, which is seen in their actions subsequently.
This is when their actions match their words. Apologies alone don’t create safety, but actual shifts in behaviour over time do. This might look like:
Yes, almost everyone gets defensive sometimes. But if your concerns are constantly met with dismissal (even a dismissive apology), trivialisation, eye-rolling, sarcasm, or blame, then that’s not a communication problem. You shouldn’t have to convince someone that your feelings matter.
Respect and love are two distinct qualities; both are essential in a relationship. One can care about another so deeply and still speak to them in ways that damage their self-worth.
Respect in a relationship is:
“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.” — Oprah Winfrey
Disagreements are normal even in the “best” relationships, because you’re dealing with someone from a different orientation who may hold opinions or values different from yours. However, there’s a difference between tension and danger.
Emotional safety doesn’t mean everything feels easy. It means you are not afraid to be honest or to express your feelings. It means you don’t expect your feelings to be used against you later. You might feel nervous during hard conversations, but not threatened. When emotional safety is missing, you may start to withhold your thoughts, edit yourself before expressing a concern with your partner, avoid topics of concern, or walk on eggshells.
This part is often misunderstood. Values aren’t about surface preferences. They guide your behavior, priorities, and choices. A person’s fundamental values shows up in
Two people can be in love and still want different things out of life. That doesn’t make either person wrong. It simply shows fundamental incompatibility. And when the fundamental values are misaligned, one person usually ends up sacrificing more than they should.
In real life, a healthy relationship is not one where everything feels easy but one that is workable. An actual “workable” relationship is one where your feelings are taken seriously, you’re not afraid to be honest, challenges are engaged with—not avoided—and repair actually happens.
So instead of asking, “Is this relationship good or bad?”, try asking, “If nothing changed, could I live like this long-term?” That answer tends to be your cue to stay or leave.
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From experience, most relationships experience growing pains. This phase of difficulty sometimes comes with stress, miscommunication, and discomfort. But some relationships adjust, repair, and move. So, sometimes it’s not in how much pain there is; it’s whether that pain leads to growth or keeps reopening the same wounds.
As stated clearly, this is not to dictate what you should do with your life, but if you’re trying to find out how to know if a relationship is over, check for deal-breakers. They are non-negotiable patterns, which, if present, mean the relationship may not have the capacity to grow or progress, despite how much you love or care. These patterns should be considered in deciding when to leave a relationship.
During conflict, you should feel safe expressing concerns. You may not always agree; you might even feel nervous or vulnerable when you speak up, but you shouldn’t feel afraid, silenced, or threatened for being honest. You don’t have to disappear to keep the peace. Couples have arguments, but if expressing your feelings regularly leads to intimidation, threats, retaliation, silent treatment, manipulation, or emotional punishment, that’s not a “communication problem”. It’s a safety issue. And safety is the line.
Patterns like constant anxiety, tightness in your chest, a sense of dread, or difficulty relaxing around them should not be ignored because it may be your nervous system telling you, “We’re unsafe.”
Couples experience moments of frustration. But when these become the default, it could be a pointer to deeper issues in the relationship. Growing pains still allow for warmth.
If you notice constant fault-finding, emotional withdrawal, refusal to engage, mockery, or sarcasm, they may be signs you should leave a relationship.
In a relationship, a boundary is a personal limit that shows what you are comfortable with and what you are not. It clearly defines what you need to feel safe and respected, even while staying connected to your partner. Having boundaries doesn’t make you difficult; it helps create clarity and respect for both you and your partner.
In relationships with repair capacity, boundaries may be misunderstood, but they are eventually honoured. But when boundaries are consistently crossed, mocked, trivialised, or ignored, the issue is not misunderstanding. It’s disregard.
“Those who get angry when you set a boundary are the ones you need to set boundaries for.” – J.S. Wolfe.
This is different from normal ups and downs in a relationship. In a healthy relationship, even one with challenges, you still feel seen, heard, and respected. Even during a conflict or disagreement, your core sense of self remains intact.
When a relationship gradually drains your vitality, silences your voice, or leaves you questioning your worth, it’s important to pay attention to that. When you notice you speak less, expect less, or feel less of yourself, not because you changed, but because it’s the safer way to stay in the relationship, it may be that your relationship lacks repair capacity.
Most relationships do not end because of one bad fight. They end because of repeated patterns that have continued over time, despite conversations, efforts, and love. Everyone makes mistakes, but when patterns are repeated without accountability or repair, trust begins to waver, and emotional exhaustion sets in.
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. When it’s broken once, it can sometimes be repaired. But when trust is broken multiple times, it becomes a pattern that slowly undermines the connection.
Each time trust is broken, it weakens your sense of safety and makes it harder to rely on your partner. Over time, you may start questioning not just your partner’s actions, but your own judgment and ability to feel secure.
So ask, “Can I count on this person, or am I always on guard?” If the answer leans toward constant doubt, it may be an indication that your relationship lacks repair capacity.
If you’re feeling stuck in a relationship, the answers to these 5 questions can help bring clarity in deciding when to stay or when to leave a relationship. But at the end of the day, it’s your life, your choice.
“When I’m honest here, am I met with care or with consequences?”
“Do I feel chosen, or merely tolerated?”
“Who am I becoming in this relationship?”
“Can I envision a future that feels good here?”
“Do I want to stay, or am I afraid to leave?”
Deciding when to stay or when to leave a relationship is rarely simple. Love, history, and hope make the choice feel heavy. But you can love someone and still recognize that the relationship is no longer healthy for you. That’s why it’s important you pay attention to patterns and understand your needs. If staying in a relationship is causing emotional exhaustion, anxiety, or a loss of self-worth, then maybe it’s time to leave.