Oftentimes, finding the perfect partner can feel like you’re stuck in an endless episode of a dating reality show. Next thing, you’re stuck wondering why you’re struggling to find love. And then, in a bid to escape that reality, you opt for an in-house quest instead. Sadly, the streak continues, you never had a perfect guy who complimented all the efforts you had put in.
Moreover, every date you meet up with to meet up with the criteria list you compiled. For that reason, you’ve swiped left so many times that your phone probably thinks you’re practicing a new ‘thumb workout.’ One date might’ve been weirdly obsessed with their cat, while another couldn’t stop talking about their ex. And then, let’s not even get started on the one who showed up 45 minutes late, wearing socks and sandals. This is more than enough to throw in the towel, you’d say!
But before you give up and tag yourself an introvert, know you’re not alone in your fight. Plus, it isn’t just poor luck or the universe deciding to be cruel to you. In reality, there are genuine reasons why finding the right spouse can be so difficult. The good thing, though, is that most of them are completely repairable.
Below I have covered the most prevalent reasons you’re probably struggling to find the perfect partner.
The phrase “perfect partner” often pictures a union where you and your partner’s needs or wants are met in harmony. This idea gives birth to the concept of an ideal relationship. This ideal belief might be why you are struggling to find love. Often, it originates from prior experiences, personal fantasies, or cultural expectations. Truth is, we can’t truly say that our happy-ever-after would start with the perfect partner tale.
Do you know there are high chances you’ve met your perfect partner already but did not know? Let’s go over 3 major takeaways you’ve not given attention to. Every one of these factors explains why the ideal mate may still be out of reach.
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If the way you see a “perfect partner” is waiting to see someone who hits every single item on your wish list, you may end up with a lot of disappointment. This can be one of the reasons you’re struggling to find love. I don’t want to make it sound hard but this would eventually lead to a greater life of frustration.
When you try only to follow a checklist, you ignore potential partners who could be the next. It is better to sit down and take a pen and paper. Then, highlight the common interests and values you both have, rather than choosing to stick with an unrealistic fixed list.
A relationship is healthier and gets a major upgrade when you accept the fact that nobody is flawless. If you wouldn’t want to be the one on that effortless search, choose to rather focus on reality.
Just take a minute to imagine a relationship where both of you laugh about each other’s flaws. For example, your partner’s weird obsession with the bottom pot, or your own insane love for old couples. This is really how you can begin the process of finding joy despite the imperfect journey. I mean, where getting to know each other comes with the added unique bond that doesn’t ignore the negative.
So, let’s face it: no one is that perfect. Besides, that’s what makes the adventure so much more fun to embark on.
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Another reason you might be struggling to find love is unrealistic expectations. Half the time, our understanding of what makes a good relationship is based on our continuous scrolling through relationships in the media.
Firstly, you need to admit that what makes for a successful relationship in the real world is different from what your influencers tell you a relationship looks like. You should accept the advice of actual, successful couples and place more value on real experiences than on what the media suggests.
Successful relationships are largely the result of consistent effort and a sincere desire to forge a partnership as opposed to a showpiece. When you hear about the experiences of those who have scaled through challenges and conflicts that ended with wins celebrated, placing more weight on this should be a priority, much more than following what the Kardashians portray. Once you’ve come to know this, make a firm decision to live by it.
Real relationship success is more about the daily work and the real desire to build a partnership than a relationship for display.
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It’s difficult for potential partners to live up to your expectations if you’re not being very open about your requirements, especially the love language. Knowing your love languages is a good starting point for laying foundations, but expressing them clearly is another aspect that is necessary. For example, if your main love language is acts of service, your partner should know. They should understand that you value actions such as helping with chores in the house or running errands. In the same vein, if your partner’s love language is physical touch, they may need more frequent hugs or holding of hands to feel loved.
Misunderstandings and feelings like “Why isn’t he paying attention to me?” are avoidable by being conscious of their love expressions. It also helps to have honest conversations that can help you express your feelings better.
Furthermore, if you both communicate two different love languages, you should have a balance that meets both of your requirements. So let’s say you value verbal affirmations and your partner is more interested in spending quality time. To balance it, you can combine the two by expressing your appreciation and love through words while engaging in activities together.
Also, It’s important to communicate openly with your partner. This is because it is as vital as the remote you use for your electronic devices. The act of open-ended communication is something that would help you become more familiar with their needs, preferences, and even expressions of love. If you can fully utilize this approach, it can be a whole game changer that would make both parties feel valued, cherished and accepted.
A strong note to memorize from ‘Gary Chapman on 5 love languages’ is that partners are better able to address each other’s emotional needs when they are aware of each other’s love languages. Yes, you must have read the book page to page, but what you’ve continually missed out on is that there is a responsibility on your end to also communicate these languages properly. Probably, why you are struggling to find love. This shared understanding between you and your partner strengthens the relationship and lowers the likelihood of misunderstandings. As time goes on, you both can incorporate systems of check and balance to continually be sure that your needs are being met and that it isn’t just a one-time thing. This will allow you to modify expectations and then increase actions.