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Friendships are some of the most important relationships we can have in our lives. They are built on shared values, trust, and an enduring bond over time. Our friends are the people who show up for us, go the extra mile, and support us through thick and thin.
However, when a friendship ends, the pain can be as real and overwhelming as a romantic breakup. Whether it is due to a falling out, a gradual drift apart, betrayal, or a sudden realization that the friendship isn’t healthy, the end of a friendship can leave us feeling lost and alone. While there may be a lot of advice on how to move on, It’s okay to feel a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, and confusion. It’s okay to cry, scream into a pillow, or take a mental health day to care for yourself. However, it’s also important to remember that healing is possible.
This article will explore some practical ways to heal from a friendship breakup. There are actions you can take to move forward and find happiness. You are not alone; with time and effort, you can emerge from this experience stronger and more resilient than ever. Here are some steps you can take to heal from a friendship breakup.
Allow yourself to grieve and reflect
First and foremost, it’s crucial to give yourself time to grieve (Psychcentral). As Dr Lauren Ogren, MA, a Marriage & Family Therapist in San Rafael, CA, states ‘Healing from heartbreak takes time’. Don’t try to suppress your emotions or pretend everything is fine. Allow yourself to feel the sadness and heartache that comes with losing a close friend. Cry if you need to, and take time off work if you have to. Don’t feel guilty for taking the time you need to heal. Your feelings are valid and it’s important to acknowledge them.
It can be helpful to reflect on why the friendship ended. Was there a specific event that led up to the breakup? Did one person do something hurtful or disrespectful? A quote from Sheryl Paul’s book, ‘The Wisdom of Anxiety’, speaks to the importance of learning from our past experiences in friendships: “When a friendship ends, it’s important to take some time to reflect on what went wrong. This isn’t about placing blame or getting caught up in a cycle of self-doubt and criticism. It’s about understanding what dynamics were at play in the relationship and what contributed to its downfall.
By gaining this understanding, we can begin to identify patterns that may be present in other relationships and work to prevent them from causing similar issues in the future.” (p. 189). Understanding what went wrong in a friendship and learning from it can provide closure and help prevent similar situations in future friendships.
Forgive
Forgiveness is a crucial part of the healing process after a friendship breakup. This involves releasing anger and resentment towards your former friend and accepting what happened. As a therapist, Irene S. Levine notes, “Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting, nor does it mean reconciling. It simply means that you are no longer held hostage by your anger and bitterness.” (Levine, 2021).
Forgiveness is an important part of the healing process. Holding onto anger, resentment, or bitterness towards your former friend will only prolong your pain. Practice forgiveness by acknowledging your emotions and letting them go. This does not mean you must reconcile with your former friend or forget what happened. Rather, it’s about releasing negative emotions that are holding you back.
Practice self-compassion
One vital thing you can do for yourself after a friendship breakup is to practice self-compassion. This entails being understanding and kind to yourself rather than beating yourself up or blaming yourself for what happened. According to Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher in the field of self-compassion, this can involve three key elements:
- Self-kindness
- Common humanity
- Mindfulness
Self-kindness means treating yourself with the same warmth and care you would offer to a close friend. Common humanity means recognizing that everyone goes through struggles and that you are not alone in your pain. By practising self-compassion, you can cultivate a sense of inner strength and resilience that will help you overcome the breakup pain.
Have fun and take care of yourself
During this healing time, it’s essential not to isolate yourself from others. Reach out for support. Find and talk to someone who understands what you’re going through.
Dana Bottari, LCSW, a psychotherapist based in Florida, suggests avoiding activities that remind you of them. If seeing them on social media triggers painful memories, you may need to unfollow them. Seeing your former friend live their life outside of your relationship can be hard, so it’s important to take steps to protect yourself for your mental health.
Incorporate new routines into your life, such as trying new hobbies or focusing on old interests that bring joy back into your daily routine. Remember that it’s okay to take things slowly and find what works for you. As therapist Nedra Tawwab emphasizes in her interview with the psychotherapy network, “Building new and nurturing relationships brings positivity into your life.” Join groups or organizations centered around shared interests to meet like-minded people. Embrace new opportunities and view this experience as an opportunity for growth both personally and within future relationships you may form moving forward.
Practice mindfulness
After a friendship breakup, it’s essential to prioritize self-care. One way to do that is to practice mindfulness. Mindfulness involves being present and nonjudgmental in your experience rather than getting caught up in negative thoughts or emotions. Dr. Deborah Serani, professor at Adelphi University in New York, says, “Mindfulness meditation is a cognitive technique that improves a person’s mind, body, and soul. Psychological aspects, like insight, attention, reflection, and self-regulation, are deepened.”
Self-regulation or self-care includes getting enough rest, exercising, eating well, and engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfilment. As therapist Amy Morin notes, “Self-care can help you manage your emotions, stay healthy, and find ways to move forward.”
Seek professional support
While it’s important to lean on friends and family during a difficult time, it’s also important to remember that sometimes it can be helpful to seek support from a professional therapist. This is not a sign of weakness, but a proactive step towards healing. A therapist can provide a safe and confidential space to process your feelings, gain insight into the breakup, and develop coping strategies for moving forward.
A therapist can provide a safe and confidential space to process your feelings, gain insight into the breakup, and develop coping strategies for moving forward. Working with a therapist can help you develop healthy boundaries, address any underlying issues that may have contributed to the friendship ending, and give you tools to help manage the emotions that come up during this difficult time (Angela Sitka).
Finally, recognize that it’s okay to move on. Sometimes, friendships end because we outgrow each other or the relationship no longer serves us. It’s okay to accept that the friendship has ended and move on. Remember that you deserve to be surrounded by people who love and support you. Change may not feel comfortable at first, but it can lead to something much better than before.
